Swede Life: Tips for Settling in Sweden, Lagom part 1

Are you thinking about moving to Sweden for study or work?

In this series of Swede Life: Tips for Settling in Sweden blog, I share with you my experience of studying and working in Sweden.

A little bit of a background first. I moved to Sweden to study my PhD at KTH in 2019 in biotechnology. My PhD was Funded by Marie-Sklodowska-Curie ITN program which I allowed me to move to Sweden.

My first impression of Stockholm was its minimalist vibe - from clothing to architecture, everything was muted!

As I integrated myself into Swedish culture, I learned about "Lagom," which translates to many things, “not to much not to little”, “moderate” or “no sticking out”. This is the most important cultural behaviour you see in all Swedish people and organisations.

I noticed that the culture of not standing out begins at a very young age. In schools, children up to a certain age don't experience winning or losing in any competitions. It's a "everyone wins" mentality. This concept was quite strange for me to understand, coming from a vastly different cultural background.

Picture this: your child is excelling in a basketball game, scoring goals left and right. But when the referee blows the whistle, both teams are declared winners. Is it to spare the children from disappointment? Or to ensure they all feel the joy of victory?

The same thing goes in universities. If you're a consistently high-achieving student, receiving mostly A grades, you might not receive much attention. This is because most students are focused on learning rather than competing for top honors like in a math Olympiad.

In Sweden, PhD programs don't use an A, B, or C grading system; instead, they operate on a pass or fail basis. Most students pass their courses without issue. When I submitted essays for courses, I often received positive feedback, but it was challenging to gauge where my work stood—was it excellent, mediocre, or just lagom?

Similarly, in professional environments, if you excel in certain areas, surpassing your colleagues in performance metrics or putting in extra effort by working overtime and actively seeking self-improvement, you might find yourself overlooked. Despite being friendly and helpful to your colleagues, you may wonder why you're not invited to after-work social gatherings.

I came to realize that the more I tried to stand out, the more I was marginalized. This began to affect my relationships, making it difficult to connect with Swedes and form friendships. Consequently, I started toning down, and becoming more reserved in my interactions.

However, this approach didn't prove beneficial, as I was essentially avoiding my true self. In the upcoming segment of this blog series, I'll dive into how the concept of Lagom impacted me personally and the steps I took to confront this challenge.